Another aspect of abusive relationships that I don't believe has been brought up here is that quite often, the abusers are really good at tearing down their victim's self-esteem. The victim ends up believing the abuser's lies and really believes that no one else will ever want her. So she stays, because she really thinks that no one else will ever want her, and that a bad relationship is better than no relationship at all.

Plus, it really is this vicious cycle, where the abuser is all hearts and flowers afterwards, oh honey, I'm so sorry, I'll never do it again. And the victim believes that as well, at least for the time being.

Best of luck to your friend, Spyder...I hope all goes well for her. I hope she finds the strength and the courage to get herself out of that situation. And keep being there for support...in an abusive relationship, the most dangerous and volatile
time is when the victim finally leaves the relationship, so even once she leaves, it won't solve matters once and for all, at least not right away. But removing herself from the situation is definitely the first step in the right direction.
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Most of what those who have posted before me have said is sensitive, sympathetic, and fairly sensible advice. And if all that this lady has told you is true, I hope that she follows at least some of the advice posted here. However...

I have a friend.... a lady friend, and she's currently in an abusive relationship [far from here, nothing I can do except talk to her...] As far as the abuse? I don't feel at liberty to say the extent of it, just that it does/has occured. [I don't know all of the details anyhow..]

I hate to be a cynic, but how well do you know this person? Have you ever actually met her in real life? Or, has your only connection with her been online, and perhaps on the phone? The reason I ask this is there have been a number of cases of people who establish online relationships solely to play on the sympathies of others with tales similar to the one you brought here.

In some extreme cases, these people have even taken things to another level, asking for financial assistance to get out of their "situation." I know this, because as painful as it is to admit it, I was a victim of one of these scams and only found out about it after giving this person about $3,000. I found out afterward from the police that I was not the first victim of such a scam by a long shot, nor am I likely to be the last.

I am not accusing your lady friend of anything here, nor am I saying that you are naiive or gullible. I'm only asking you to be cautious. The money was meaningless to me in the long term. What really hurt me was the betrayal of my feelings and my trust for this person whom I had "known" for over a year.

In any case, I sincerely hope things work out for you and your lady friend.

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Thanks everyone for the feedback! I sincerely DO appreciate it, and certainly didn't expect this many heart-felt replies.. thank you all.. As fas as money is concerned, Yea, I understand the concern, but I'm not about to give money to anyone: since I'm almost broke myself hehe...


Thanks to all once again...................................................

SpyderbyteGraphX, I was a 911 dispatcher for many years and know what goes on behind those doors before and after she gets away. My biggest thing has always been convincing the victim that she (or he) is NOT responsible for his actions and/or feelings after she leaves. He is a big boy and what he does or does not do (suicide, etc) is up to him and no one else. He's gonna threaten to hurt her, himself and possibly her family and friends if and when she leaves. All she can do is warn everyone in advance and while he is not home get the hell out. Sacrificing her life to save his or anyone else's is, at this point, how it's gonna end. There's too many people out there to help her not to take someone up on it. Also, I hate to disappoint anyone, a restraining order is useless. It's not enforceable unless it's violated and guess what? Once it's violated it's too late. Tell her like it is, don't sympathize or pity her, put it to her once and leave it to her. She has to be the one to decide. Unfortunately, if she decides to stay, that leaves everyone else to pick up the pieces but that's the sad part. I really hope there's no children involved. Oh yeah, as for anger management (the answer to all domestic violence problems according to some courts), it's a joke. Defendants go because they have to, there's really nothing to learn from it except how to stay out of jail by agreeing to go. Too bad I'm not dispatching anymore, you could get her to call me and I would do what I usually do. Tell them like my mother tells me: grow up, get out and take charge. Motivational speaking I called it . Sorry I'm so long winded.............

Afterthought-WrecklessEric-pretty hard for that kind of man to fight someone that doesn't run or cry, huh? Street justice, works better than ANYTHING!
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Styl skinner....language.

'****' disguises nothing....the intent is the same.

Will keep it in mind Jafo.

jafo, you f***.


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foot!